One Day at a Time

The other day, Rob and I had to ask the Michigan Veterans Trust Fund for help. Our family support unit (which, generally speaking is far from supportive) referred us to them after it became clear that the Michigan economy and the accompanying job drought was slowly killing our family. I've been out of work for nearly a year now. Coincidentally, this is just about six months longer than we can afford for me to be unemployed. Thanks to a tremendous outpouring of support from friends a few months back, we were able to preserve our house after disaster struck while Rob was deployed. But it's been clear for several weeks now that Rob's income alone simply will NOT pay our bills. We are faced with losing our house once again. And so, we go to the Veterans Assistance office (conveniently located in the county welfare office) to ask for emergency assistance. We explain that we MUST make our house payment within 72 hours or else we risk defaulting on the repayment agreement we've worked out with them. We explain that we don't have the money-- that the soonest we'll have the funds is about 2 days after the deadline, and that our mortgage company has told us this is unacceptable. There is no grace period. And so, we ask for help. We come bearing copies of utility bills (many with warnings that they'll be shut off soon), car note (also late) and most importantly, Rob's orders; verifying that he has served in Iraq twice, under honorable conditions. It is the latter documentation, we are told by the Family Support office, that guarantee their assistance. Turns out, not so much.

Turns out that Rob doesn't qualify. His service in combat, supporting the fighter jets that provide vital air cover and protection to ground troops; his volunteer work at the base hospital, working with the dead and dying-- a task he undertook IN ADDITION to his regular duties; none of it matters. They told him he would have to go back to war for another three months before his service would "count" and we would be eligible for aid. Rob's cousin Walt was killed after just six weeks in Iraq. What does it say about our country and it's supposed support for the troops that if Walt had come HOME that day (instead of getting blown up) he would be told he that his service "didn't count yet;" but since he was "lucky" enough to die instead of coming home that day, he's a hero and entitled to every benefit his survivors can claim? What does it say about the state of Michigan that they would deny vitally needed emergency assistance to a Veteran and his family- even if saying no meant they might lose their home?

The Veterans Assistance program in Michigan has an inherent bias against National Guard veterans, particularly Air Guard. Because these service personnel are typically deployed for shorter periods of time than their brothers and sisters in arms, they are basically locked out of receiving service-based aid; unless they are "lucky" enough to have three+ deployments under their belts before disaster strikes. This is especially egregious when one considers that the office in charge of administrating this program (the Michigan Veterans Affairs Office) is run by an officer of the Michigan National Guard. As the Department of Defense relies more and more on Guardsman to perform duties that traditionally were reserved for Active Duty forces, the State of Michigan (and frankly, the Department of Defense in general) needs to reevaluate it's criteria for offering assistance to military families in need. Failure to do so is a failure to recognize the service that women and men like my husband have provided. It is a refuse to acknowledge their sacrifices. It is to tell them, as we were told that day, that they "don't count yet."

So, we're on our own. We'll pay the mortgage two days late and pray that the bank doesn't decide to proceed with punitive action because we've violated the repayment agreement. I'll keep searching, applying and interviewing for jobs. And Rob will put on his uniform every single day, go back to the base and serve his country-- knowing that even as he does, in the eyes of the State of Michigan, his service "doesn't count."

I'll bet the guy at the Veterans Assistance Office has a "support the troops" ribbon on his car. Too bad he doesn't mean troops like Rob.

Honoring Adam

The men who participated wore uniforms stripped of patches, badges and insignia and carried themselves as if holding invisible weaponry. They marched through the crowd, stopping at times to act out mock drills and raids, even detaining imaginary insurgents, forcing them to the ground and placing bags over their heads. The idea was to bring the images of war home to those commuters heading home after a long day spent in office buildings a thousand miles from the front lines. It was designed as street theater and intended to shock, to raise questions. What made this act of protest different was that it was not conducted by disaffected youth or aging hippies. No, the men wearing these barren uniforms had earned them: serving time in the United States Military, most in Iraq or Afghanistan. These boys were exercising the same right of assembly and free speech that they themselves had fought in bloody warfare to defend. Now, some of them now facing punishment. And as the wife of an Iraq Veteran myself, I have to ask: is the military’s issue with their conduct or with their cause?
On June 4, 2007, a Marine Corp. panel recommended that one of these veterans, Adam Kokesh, be reduced from an Honorable Discharge to a General Discharge, under Honorable Conditions and be released from his IRR commitment two weeks early. The action may seem minor, but it raises a serious concern: why is there punishment at all for a lawful act that Kokesh engaged in as a civilian? Kokesh at no point claimed to be a representative of the Armed Forces, nor did he speak negatively about the military or its commanders. In fact, he has repeatedly stressed his love for the Marine Corps and the United States Military. The street performance was never intended to insult the military or to deter potential recruits. The goal of these men was to bring home, in a dramatic way, the sights and sounds of warfare and of their experiences. It is my belief that this, more than anything else, is what the Commanders objected to when they convened their hearing against Kokesh.
My husband has been to Iraq twice now. On his second tour he volunteered his time in the base hospital, off-loading wounded and dead service personnel and civilians alike. No one can hold the hand of a dying man and come away from that experience unchanged. The sights and sounds of death will linger within him for the rest of his life. My husbands’ cousin was killed by an IED in Iraq on February 2, 2006. He died in the same hospital my husband worked in. This time, our entire family shared in the trauma and pain of loss. We have been touched over and over again by a war that most Americans never have to experience in any personal, direct way. These were the experiences that Kokesh and his friends were trying to bring to the pedestrians around them that day. The message was simple: respect for the troops means understanding what the troops experience overseas. It means acknowledging the sacrifices and the suffering they endure. And yes, it means questioning the cause for which these sacrifices are demanded. A friend of mine, himself a Korean War veteran once said “The lucky ones who die in war. It’s those who live that suffer most.” We are blessed to live in a country that does not demand compulsory military service. Fewer than 2% of our fellow citizens volunteer to serve so that those of us who remain at home can continue to enjoy the blessings of liberty. It is only right that those so blessed should fully understand the nature of the gift that those in uniform give us. It is only right that those who have served be allowed to exercise those same liberties upon their return. More than anyone else, these men and women have earned this right. And it is unacceptable that the Marine Corps or any branch would work to punish them for exercising the gifts guaranteed by the Constitution and by their own service.
This is not an issue of whether or not one agrees with Adam Kokesh. This is about the fact that no one in America should be punished for speaking their minds about governmental policy- especially when they have experienced the results of this policy firsthand. The National Commander of the Veterans of Foreign Wars understood this fact and released a statement in support of Adam Kokesh and his comrades. Now as we battle for what our president has called “the hearts and minds” of those who oppose us, the Marine Corps and indeed the entire nation would do well to remember the advice of William O. Douglas, who served the longest term of any Supreme Court Justice, who said “it is our attitude towards free thought and free expression that will determine our fate. There must be…no limits on thought…No censor must preside at our assemblies.”

Rob's Gallery

These are some of the beautiful shots Rob took in Florida. Post your "top two" favorites in the comments section to help us decide which ones to enter.
























On a side note, can you tell that I just learned how to insert photos into my blog?

My Favorite Rob Photo

Rob's discovered a new knack for photography when we were in Florida. I've posted a slideshow (below) of some of his best shots. Post your comments and tell us which ones you like best. He's going to enter a couple in the State Fair this year, but can only choose two. Help us decide!

Here's my absolute favorite:

Heartbreak and Irony

So, I've heard through the grapevine that I'm a devil-worshipping, Satanism promoting, black sheep. Some of the harshest comments have come from those nearest to me, dearly loved by myself and my family and who claim a deep religious basis for their opinions. I find it ironic, given the fact that the behavior being exhibited is so far outside the example of Jesus. I have to wonder....have they all lost their "WWJD" bracelets or something? Because the Jesus that I know, love and have an abiding respect for didn’t roll that way.
Let me start by addressing the obvious concern: that my personal faith somehow makes me a baby-slaying, naked-dancing devotee of the dark one. Well, first of all, Satan is a Christian concept. In order to worship the Devil, you must first believe in one, which really just makes you a bad Christian. I don't believe in a devil, so to accuse me of worshipping him is to say that I also have a shrine set up to the tooth fairy and a wear "Sacred Santa" medals under my clothes. Do I believe in evil? Heck yeah! I believe that each human being has a capacity for truly vicious behavior, that secret place of selfishness and self-centeredness that makes us think it’s okay to hurt others if it furthers our own ambitions, desires, or beliefs. That can mean anything from stealing money in order to be wealthy, cheating on your partner because you desire another person, or acting out in petty anger because someone else doesn’t believe the same way you do. Each of these examples is an act of pure evil—and you don’t need a supernatural Devil to make them to occur!
So, now that we’ve covered what I don’t believe, let’s talk for a minute about what do. I’ll try and keep this short, since I could talk for hours and only leave more questions and more tangents to explore. Let’s start with the fact that I’m a Pagan. What does that mean? It means that I believe that the idea of God is too big for the human mind to wrap itself around. So, we each grab onto one tiny aspect of it- like facets of a diamond- that works for us, is relatable and helps us strive to be a better human being: more loving, more holy. My facet might not be yours…they might look nothing alike, and you may hate the very idea of mine. But each, your version of God and mine, are just mental constructs we’ve created to try and grapple with that bigger, ultimately unknowable, Godhead. Mine happens to be female. Why? Because I see mothers as being more nurturing, more loving, more patient and ultimately more God-like than fathers. Maybe this is because of my own messed- up relationship with my Dad. Maybe it’s because of the great level of respect and love I hold for the amazing women who raised me up….my mother, grandmother and aunt. Maybe, it’s simply because God loves me as the Child of God I am, and has chosen to have a relationship with me, in the way that I can relate to God best.
I also believe in prayer. I believe in the simple prayer found in most religions….quiet time spend talking to God, silently or aloud, about the events of the day, my concerns, my fears, my hopes. I believe in prayer through singing, chanting and even using prayer beads, if they help me stay focused. I believe that prayer is important enough that other people need to pray for me too. So, when I really, really feel concerned/afraid/hopeful/excited, I’ll call on others that I know believe in prayer. Some of these people, like my wonderful spiritual community in Michigan, have mental-pictures of God similar to my own. Others, like my beloved family, whom I also turn to for prayer support, hold different views about God and religion. But I believe in the power prayer. And I believe that all prayers reach the same ears. One of my favorite expressions is “the ocean rejects no rivers flow” and that sums up my view of prayer- it doesn’t matter who you are, if you’re addressing God, your prayers will be heard, no matter what name you call God by. I also believe in active prayer. This means spellwork, which is nothing more than a ritualized form of prayer, using objects and phrases to help focus your mind on the subject of your prayer…be it healing, prosperity or simply connection to God. A spell is simply a prayer with props. Usually, I don’t need the props. But when I do, I use them…and it’s still prayer.
I believe that one of the best ways that you can learn about an artist is by observing their art. In other words, to learn about the Creator, one should look at the Creation. To me, that means that if I want to know the nature and reality of God, I should look at the world around me, which God has created in perfection. In nature, we have both male and female. I believe that God transcends and encompasses both. In nature, we have many races. I believe that God transcends and encompasses them all. I could go on for hours. But the point is, I don’t need a sacred text, written (or transcribed, depending upon your theological bent) by humans in order to understand the nature and will of God. I must simply open my eyes and look, in wonder and love, at what God has wrought. This where the expression comes from “the earth is my temple and my body, the altar.”
I also attend a Unitarian-Universalist church. So, what does that mean? Basically, UU’s ascribe to the following tenants:
- Respect for the inherent worth and dignity of every person
- Justice, equity and compassion in human relations
- Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations
- A free and responsible search for truth and meaning
- The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large
- The goal of world community, with peace, liberty and justice for all
- Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
That sums up UU-ism perfectly, so I won’t elaborate further. Sufficed to say, I find it a perfect fit with my Pagan practice. There, I hope I have defined myself to everyone’s satisfaction…at least so you know where I stand, even if you don’t care much for it.
Which brings me to the reason I started this post. I have to wonder what has gotten into some of the more Evangelical people that I love recently, to be so angry and hate-filled in their actions towards me. I seem to recall a Jesus who, when confronted with someone who didn’t meet his standards of conduct (prostitutes, tax collectors) or belief (the parable of the Samaritan…not quite a “confrontation” but you get the idea) embraced them, opened his table to them, and sat down for conversation. The only people Jesus ever condemned were the ones within his own religious and spiritual community. The devout who traded in the Temple, the righteous so eager to cast stones. Why in the world, if you truly seek to live by his example and follow the teachings of Christ, would you react with such hostility to someone whom you ostensibly love, who happens to have a different world view from your own? How in any way is that following the teachings or the example of Jesus? Those who love me, who watched me grow up and now watch me move in and interact with the world, know my character and my heart. They are fully aware that I am not a bad person, and certainly nowhere near approaching evil. Maybe “unsaved” in their book, but hey…how are you possibly going to save someone’s soul by insulting them and their family and then threatening never to speak to them again? Jesus would slap the spit out of someone who acted that way and said they were doing it for him!
To truly follow Christ is to model acceptance, love and patience. To toss someone out of your heart like so much trash, simply because you consider them to be a heretic or sinner, is to be exactly like the Pharisee’s he condemned. It is certainly not an act of the kind that Jesus lived every day. Wholesale condemnation was never the path of Jesus. When others turned their heads, he invited people to him. When others threw stones, he extended his hand in protection and mercy. When others crucified him, he offered only forgiveness. The ONLY condemnation he ever showed was to the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, “religious” people of his time. It’s a sad, sad, day when the Pagan girl down the street is living a better “Christian” life than those who claim to know him best. And yet, if you know a tree by the fruit it bears….just look at your own conduct in relation to mine. I wonder who Jesus is more likely to invite to dinner.

Addressing the Backlash

It should be quite obvious by now that not only am I a military wife, I’m also an active part of the call to end the war in Iraq. I’d like to use this column to address what some perceive as a contradiction. Recently, my husband was featured in the press….a LOT of press. His comments, delivered as a member of Iraq Veterans Against the War, were passionately pro-military. He is not a pacifist. He is a member of the military committed to serving his country in times of danger. If asked, he would deploy to Afghanistan in a heartbeat. And, when asked, he has twice gone to Iraq. The first time, he was stationed on what at the time was the most attacked base in Iraq. He might have been working on aircraft, but he was far from safety. In fact, the barracks next to his were destroyed by a surface-to-ground missile one day. So yes, danger came close even to those who are “safe” behind base walls. He survived aerial attacks and falling shrapnel, even though he was in an open field at the time, with no real cover to speak of. On his second tour, he volunteered for duty in the base field hospital, where he off-loaded wounded, dying and dead soldiers and civilians. He has seen death close-up. He has held the hands of the dying. He has cared for Iraqi children with devastating injuries. He did this without complaint.
Because what many people don’t understand is that speaking out against an illegal and unnecessary was is NOT a complaint about military service. It is a cry for reconciliation and logic in a time when both seem to have fled the area. I have begged my husband to find a civilian job. But he says no….because the military is what he is. Does that mean that he has an obligation then, to obey orders blindly, or to stand by while his fellow service personnel are massacred daily on the altar of a failed foreign policy. In the words of another veteran- “the only conduct unbecoming of a non-commissioned officer, is to see the lives of the men around you being thrown away to and to say nothing.” We do not criticize the military….but rather, the politicians who use the military as a tool to settle personal vendettas or else increase political capital. The American soldier, who like my husband, is willing and ready to lay down his life when called upon to do so; deserves more respect for that sacrifice. Those who say they “support the troops” and then condemn the very voices of those who have been to the battlefront and know of what they speak are not patriots, but rather hypocrites and traitors. Honestly, if you have not served, then your opinion means very little. If you support the war- put on a uniform and stand up or shut up.
Is it wrong for an American service person to criticize military policy? The military itself says no. Department of Defense Directive 1325.6 in fact states that it is the policy of the military “to preserve military members' "right of expression… to the maximum extent possible, consistent with good order and discipline and the national security. Members of the military may attend demonstrations but only in the United States and only when they are off base, off duty, and out of uniform.” Our family is conscientious about adhering to these standards, as well as those we have set for ourselves, including refusing to participate in events organized by those with an anti-military message (such as the ANSWER Coalition) and framing the language of our speeches and comments in such a way as to make it clear that 1) we are proud to be a military family, 2) we support the American military service person and 3) part of that support means not wanting them to die in vain. Others don’t have to agree with our position, but unless they have experienced the reality of war, the hardship of military family life, and the devastation of losing someone in combat; they have no ground by which to condemn our actions. My family has first hand experience with all three of these, and I will not tolerate being told that I am disgraceful, disrespectful or unpatriotic for speaking out against the war in Iraq. Perhaps this column has been a bit of a “rant”, but it was something that needed to be said. I do not need everyone (or anyone) to agree with me, to know the truth of my experience. But unless you’ve shared a similar one, please, keep your opinions to yourself.

D.C. Redux Part I: The March

A First Person Account of the January 27, 2007 March Against the War

I arrived in Washington D.C. on January 26, 2007, to join the Military Families Speak Out contingent in marching against the Iraq War. On Saturday morning, Stacy Hafley, the head of MFSO-Missouri chapter, and I made our way to the National Mall. The number of people was overwhelming. From the Washington Monument to the far end of the mall where United for Peace and Justice had set up their stage, it was an unbroken sea of people. Thousands of faces- old and young, all races and religions, families with babies in slings and strollers, had gathered together for the common purpose of ending the ongoing bloodshed in Iraq.
As military family members, we were placed at the head of the march, alongside Iraq Veterans Against the War and Gold Star Families Speak Out. This provided an optimal position for people watching and mingling while we waited the many hours between our arrival and the start of the march. In between speeches, I was able to meet Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, both of whom were absolutely lovely people who told me to be sure to tell Rob (my husband, currently on his second tour of Iraq) that they were praying for him; Eve Ensler, the originator of The Vagina Monologues, and a major heroine of mine; Jesse Jackson, who was dismissive, distracted and rather rude; and Jane Fonda.
I need to pause for a moment here and talk about Ms. Fonda. She’s done a LOT of good for women and girls in Atlanta and around the country, and I respect her for that. I appreciate nearly anyone who wants to lend their voice to ending this particular conflict….BUT….Jane Fonda (or “Hanoi Jane” as so many still call her) is an incredibly divisive figure within the anti-war movement. Even though her purpose was the same as theirs, her presence was offensive to many of the Vietnam Veterans gathered at the rally and my heart ached for them. Honestly, while I honor her refusal to be silent in the face of another immoral and illegal war, I truly believe that her presence did more harm than good. This is evidenced by the amount of press coverage devoted to Ms. Fonda’s re-entry into the arena of peaceful dissent.
Military families were called to the stage to stand alongside Ehren Watada’s parents, as they spoke passionately and eloquently about Lt. Watada’s decision to refuse the order to deploy to Iraq. They outlined his position that, in order to uphold the Constitution and fulfill his Oath as an Officer, he had no choice but to refuse what her believes to be an illegal order. Shortly after they spoke, Mrs. Watada was taken to the hospital by ambulance, having suffered a small stroke on the stage. I will never forget, however, the sea of hundreds of thousands of faces, cheering and applauding the Iraq Veterans and their family members represented on that podium. What a change from the Vietnam era!!
A little while after One P.M., the march around the Capital Building began. Protestors from groups as divergent as Veterans for Peace, American Friends Services Committee, Code PINK, and United Church of Christ filled the streets of Washington. Media reports state that there were approximately 100,000 people present. I can state from first-hand experience that this number has been GREATLY de-flated. More accurate counts place the number closer to 500,000 (Fox News’ number) to 750,000 participants. Among this flood of people, I am so gratified to say that I did not see a single instance of Anarchist participation, or other intentionally disruptive and disrespectful presence. As always, there were hard-core Leftists’ represented…the various Communist tribes were stationed on many street corners, handing out their pulp-paper propaganda; and the handful of people that made me roll my eyes and sigh. These people, usually individuals trying too hard to be clever, engage in crude behavior (profanity on signage, carrying a hanging Bush-in-effigy) that makes it that much harder for responsible, respectful marchers to get their message heard. By far, my favorite people present were the trio of college students standing on the sidewalk and calmly reading the Constitution out-loud through a megaphone to the passing crowd.
We marched slowly through the streets, telling the stories of our loved ones- their experiences overseas, their current service, and in far too many cases, the details of their deaths. The military families contingent was met with applause and sympathy as we marched and sang cadence:
Military Families Speak Out
We know what we’re talking ‘bout;
Brothers, fathers, sisters, wives
Bring out loved ones home alive!

If you think that you must go,
There’s one thing that you must know;
They wave their flags when you attack
When you come home, they turn their backs!

The day could not have been more beautiful, and we were provided with a 50+ degree day for the long, long march up the hill and down again. When I finally returned to the hotel, my feet where blistered and burning, but my spirits were incredibly high.

Being a Pacifist

I've recieved several comments from people who've heard Rob and I interviewed on The Story, on NPR. The comment I hear the most is "how can you be a pacifistic military wife?" The reality is that most people don't understand what true pacifism means. It does NOT mean believing in a utopian ideal where no one ever fights or experiences conflict. But rather a commitment to approaching conflict from a different perspective: one of mutual cooperation and respect. As Jonathon Larson said, "the opposite of War isn't Peace...it's Creation." I struggle every day to overcome my reactive nature (see my first post "Welcome to my Nightmare") and respond to life affirmatively and peacefully. A part of this process is working actively for organizations that promote peaceful ideals. One of these organizations, Military Families Speak Out, was linked by The Story's website. But there's another one I want people to be aware of, called Motive: PEACE. Rob and I sit on the Board of Directors and we strongly support the mission of this non-profit: to lift up the worth and value of peace, one action at a time. Check it out at www.motivepeace.org and then let me know what you think. I encourage you to get involved in your own community, and inspire creative, non-violent response to conflict within your neighborhood and yourself.

Three Thousand Faces....And Counting.

http://www.nytimes.com/ref/us/20061228_3000FACES_TAB1.html

Monsoon Season

Staring at the ceiling at three a.m., my mind races with the events of the past and next few days. I consider caffeine, but decide against, since those few hours of sleep that come (eventually) are precious. I am hyper-vigilant, unwilling to sacrifice the remaining hours before he leaves to something as trivial as rest…even when that rest brings blessed release from the anxiety that rests in the pit of my stomach like an ulcer. Rob came home in beige today, instead of the usual green; and I was completely unprepared for the sight. Everything is real now. My period of acceptable denial is over, and today I have to face the fact that he leaves- soon. I am not okay with this.
This is a funny statement for me to make, so pouty and irrelevant. We were interviewed by NPR the other day, and at one point I found myself saying it over and over “I am NOT okay with this!” as if my cooperation or willingness to send him away again matters in the long run. It’s cute how I think I have a voice, sometimes. When mostly, I am screaming against the howling wind. I have been able to put on a brave face this time; and I think he’s been reassured by this. No spontaneous bursts of crying, no morbid, overly romantic mooning. I’ve been remarkably stoic, actually. Which is wonderfully calming to everyone who doesn’t live inside my body. On the inside, I’m in great pain- both physical and emotional. Tied in knots, it hurts to breathe, and I feel as if I have electrical currents running through my head and arms. But I’m holding up remarkably well, to look at me.
I have coped with this whole process by mentally spending the money I know is coming in. I want to bring our bills current, pay down our credit cards, take Rory and Rachel to Disney. I want a new front door and a home security system. All of it, the bills and the Brinks, adds up to the same thing that I don’t have and can’t buy: I want to feel safe. But that’s not possible with my husband away. It’s a matter of hours now, and I'm not ready to let him go. Tomorrow I’ll get the taxes done, send a copy of his orders to our mortgage company, and pretend to smile again. Tonight though, while he's asleep, I brace for the coming storm.