Being a Pacifist
I've recieved several comments from people who've heard Rob and I interviewed on The Story, on NPR. The comment I hear the most is "how can you be a pacifistic military wife?" The reality is that most people don't understand what true pacifism means. It does NOT mean believing in a utopian ideal where no one ever fights or experiences conflict. But rather a commitment to approaching conflict from a different perspective: one of mutual cooperation and respect. As Jonathon Larson said, "the opposite of War isn't Peace...it's Creation." I struggle every day to overcome my reactive nature (see my first post "Welcome to my Nightmare") and respond to life affirmatively and peacefully. A part of this process is working actively for organizations that promote peaceful ideals. One of these organizations, Military Families Speak Out, was linked by The Story's website. But there's another one I want people to be aware of, called Motive: PEACE. Rob and I sit on the Board of Directors and we strongly support the mission of this non-profit: to lift up the worth and value of peace, one action at a time. Check it out at www.motivepeace.org and then let me know what you think. I encourage you to get involved in your own community, and inspire creative, non-violent response to conflict within your neighborhood and yourself.
posted by Stefani @ 2:17 PM
11 Comments:
Stefani, I just heard your interview on the first edition of The Story in Milwaukee, WI. Little things told me "these are people I like". I can't at all empathize with your family's struggles within the military, but I am glad that I got a chance to hear your story. I have known too many "blow 'em up" military guys. It has eased some of my cynicism that there are intelligent people working with and within the military too.
Best wishes and safe returns,
ray
I completely respect your politics and your beliefs (they are different but few people take the time to think about it.)
I am a recently retired E-7 out of Springfield Illinois and I swear I was listening to some of the trials, concerns, and debates that have occured in our home.
I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you Rob. I served in Kirkuk as well (Early Summer 2005) and could relive the tension and the deliberation it took to get through those days.
Your plight did not fall on deaf ears and here's wishing Rob a safe trip there and back again.
Drop me a line when he gets home so I can check back. I just want to see how ALL of you fare..
I completely respect your politics and your beliefs (they are different but few people take the time to think about it.)
I am a recently retired E-7 out of the 183rd in Springfield Illinois and I swear I was listening to some of the trials, concerns, and debates that have occured in our home.
I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you and to Rob. I served in Kirkuk as well (Early Summer 2005) and could relive the tension and the deliberation it took to get through those days.
Your plight did not fall on deaf ears and here's wishing Rob a safe trip there and back again. Keep busy and keep your kids on the right track is as much useful information as I can presume to give.
Every now and then the relief washes over me in waves. I am forever grateful that I came home in one piece. I jumped and started when I got back too but it passes. I now find I get caught up watching my kids do their homework or just sitting in my back yard listening to the leaves in the trees. Yeah i cried in relief. I'm a strong enopugh man to admit it. I also shed tears when I had to say goodbye to all of those bastards. I really do care for my unit BUT, at my twenty first anniversary I knew my time at taking chances was over and I opted out. Be proud of him and be proud of yourself. As his spouse you earned the right to your opinion. Both of you and your kids have paid your dues.
Drop me a line when he gets home so I can check back. I just want to see how ALL of you fare..
Your Comrade
MSGT Ambrose Contreras, retired
Stefani,
I don't often feel moved to comment or respond to what I hear on my beloved NPR but I applaud your interview on NPR. It is not very often that I hear the voice of people brave enough to be faithful and contradictory. I even applaud NPR for sharing your story because even they - the alternative news media- stick to a genre or label. I see how hard it is for people to understand that you can have deep beliefs sometimes in opposition, and still love and respect those , family or not, with different beliefs or obligations.
My brother is 18 years in and counting the days to 20 and the retirement he has earned physically and mentally. My children and I had a taste of the military world by living with him during a transition in my life. We lived in housing that was mostly military and my kids attended a mostly military kids school. You are brave to think beyond the identity and at times conditioning that comes along with being military. I know there is a strong current that you are with the military and behave military or you will be abandon or dismissed by the community. I saw the fear in people when they came close to talking about feelings that may go against the grain. You and your husband are articulate, honest and virtuous and set a fine example living life’s complexities honestly. I absolutely love (if my ear did not fail me) that your husband said Goddess Bless at the end of the interview. Blessings and safety to you and your family.
Jules
Stefani - I know that you're the organizer for the embellished needles swap on swap-bot, but no one is responding. I sent mine out, but have not received any. I'm concerned. Any ideas?
Jules-
Your ears did not fail you. My husband did say "Goddess". We are both Reclaiming Tradition Pagans and active both in the local Pagan community and within our Unitarian Universalist Church.
Brightest Blessings,
Stefani
Stefani,
I'm a little confused about everything you say. You and Rob want to reap all the benifits from the military but when it comes time to work for it you don't want to do it. And Rob doesn't even leave the base. He doesn't have to go and fight! He fixes the planes for the real men that are out there fighting. You talk about your religon like you have one. You turned your back on God but when you need prayer you call your grandmother and aunt to pray for you. I just don't understand how you can sit there in your messed up little world and say you hate the war and your a poor military wife when its a volunteer military. If Rob didn't want to go back to Iraq he should have left the military!!! The truth of the matter is your being a disgrace to your family!!!
I love you, Lauren. And I always will. Family may disagree, and you may think me a disgrace. But the fact is that I love you and cherish the fact that we're family. May peace prevail....on earth and within the hearts of those I love.
Lauren,
I had a nice long post set up but the universe has decided that perhaps I should moderate my own voice right now.
Think about what your words are showing about you as a person and a representative of your faith. Ignorance can be overcome with education, but choosing ignorance blindly is inexcusable. You do not have to agree with the choices or faith of another. You should at least respect their right to make those choices and have their faith.
Be grateful that there are enough people volunteering for the military that those who are unwilling are not forced. Please do not insult their worry, these men and women sit every day wondering if their loved one will die a world away, alone. Can you imagine sitting with grace and calm trying to keep your life normal all the while waiting for some news, any news?
Before you insult anyone else, perhaps you should look at what you hope to accomplish with your insults. Hurting those we love just because we are hurt doesn't make us better people, sometimes we forget that.
Lauren
Those are some powerful things you place up before us as readers. It is sad that as Christ asks us not to cast stones it seems you are tossing boulders. As a child of a former military member I understand the roles of both frontline personel and those that fill roles of support in varied capacities and every role that an invividual plays in service to their country is one of honour and neccessity. Your clear lack of understanding aside as that of your religious slams, it seems to me your attack of the blogs author is unwarrented and unfair. In a world plagued with war, violence and harmful misconeptions to perpetuate them without cause or regard is very much an un-christian thing to do. So in saying all of this to you it may not change how you see the world, or the writer or views but truly you have shown us all who you are in such a small space. May you eventully come to know the meanings of Christ's teachings and love for your fellow beings. My heart is sad for your ignorances and even further saddened by your viciousness.
Lauren - Since Stef took the higher ground and responded to you in love, I'll fill in the gap and respond to you with what you deserve.
You, and people like you, are the reason I have come to cringe at the very name of "Christianity." You spew nothing but vile hatred, and you bring out the worst in others (like myself, who would normally never speak to someone like this) with your perverse judgments. Christ never wanted people who believed in him to behave in this way.
But you know what, your twisted grasp of your religion is your own to have. Go with it. What makes me so angry I want to spit fire is your reference to Rob as less than a "real man." When YOU serve two duties and "only" stay on base, CARTING IN THE BODIES OF THE DEAD AND WOUNDED, then you can come tell all of us how easy it is.
Until then, shut the hell up.
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