Heartbreak and Irony

So, I've heard through the grapevine that I'm a devil-worshipping, Satanism promoting, black sheep. Some of the harshest comments have come from those nearest to me, dearly loved by myself and my family and who claim a deep religious basis for their opinions. I find it ironic, given the fact that the behavior being exhibited is so far outside the example of Jesus. I have to wonder....have they all lost their "WWJD" bracelets or something? Because the Jesus that I know, love and have an abiding respect for didn’t roll that way.
Let me start by addressing the obvious concern: that my personal faith somehow makes me a baby-slaying, naked-dancing devotee of the dark one. Well, first of all, Satan is a Christian concept. In order to worship the Devil, you must first believe in one, which really just makes you a bad Christian. I don't believe in a devil, so to accuse me of worshipping him is to say that I also have a shrine set up to the tooth fairy and a wear "Sacred Santa" medals under my clothes. Do I believe in evil? Heck yeah! I believe that each human being has a capacity for truly vicious behavior, that secret place of selfishness and self-centeredness that makes us think it’s okay to hurt others if it furthers our own ambitions, desires, or beliefs. That can mean anything from stealing money in order to be wealthy, cheating on your partner because you desire another person, or acting out in petty anger because someone else doesn’t believe the same way you do. Each of these examples is an act of pure evil—and you don’t need a supernatural Devil to make them to occur!
So, now that we’ve covered what I don’t believe, let’s talk for a minute about what do. I’ll try and keep this short, since I could talk for hours and only leave more questions and more tangents to explore. Let’s start with the fact that I’m a Pagan. What does that mean? It means that I believe that the idea of God is too big for the human mind to wrap itself around. So, we each grab onto one tiny aspect of it- like facets of a diamond- that works for us, is relatable and helps us strive to be a better human being: more loving, more holy. My facet might not be yours…they might look nothing alike, and you may hate the very idea of mine. But each, your version of God and mine, are just mental constructs we’ve created to try and grapple with that bigger, ultimately unknowable, Godhead. Mine happens to be female. Why? Because I see mothers as being more nurturing, more loving, more patient and ultimately more God-like than fathers. Maybe this is because of my own messed- up relationship with my Dad. Maybe it’s because of the great level of respect and love I hold for the amazing women who raised me up….my mother, grandmother and aunt. Maybe, it’s simply because God loves me as the Child of God I am, and has chosen to have a relationship with me, in the way that I can relate to God best.
I also believe in prayer. I believe in the simple prayer found in most religions….quiet time spend talking to God, silently or aloud, about the events of the day, my concerns, my fears, my hopes. I believe in prayer through singing, chanting and even using prayer beads, if they help me stay focused. I believe that prayer is important enough that other people need to pray for me too. So, when I really, really feel concerned/afraid/hopeful/excited, I’ll call on others that I know believe in prayer. Some of these people, like my wonderful spiritual community in Michigan, have mental-pictures of God similar to my own. Others, like my beloved family, whom I also turn to for prayer support, hold different views about God and religion. But I believe in the power prayer. And I believe that all prayers reach the same ears. One of my favorite expressions is “the ocean rejects no rivers flow” and that sums up my view of prayer- it doesn’t matter who you are, if you’re addressing God, your prayers will be heard, no matter what name you call God by. I also believe in active prayer. This means spellwork, which is nothing more than a ritualized form of prayer, using objects and phrases to help focus your mind on the subject of your prayer…be it healing, prosperity or simply connection to God. A spell is simply a prayer with props. Usually, I don’t need the props. But when I do, I use them…and it’s still prayer.
I believe that one of the best ways that you can learn about an artist is by observing their art. In other words, to learn about the Creator, one should look at the Creation. To me, that means that if I want to know the nature and reality of God, I should look at the world around me, which God has created in perfection. In nature, we have both male and female. I believe that God transcends and encompasses both. In nature, we have many races. I believe that God transcends and encompasses them all. I could go on for hours. But the point is, I don’t need a sacred text, written (or transcribed, depending upon your theological bent) by humans in order to understand the nature and will of God. I must simply open my eyes and look, in wonder and love, at what God has wrought. This where the expression comes from “the earth is my temple and my body, the altar.”
I also attend a Unitarian-Universalist church. So, what does that mean? Basically, UU’s ascribe to the following tenants:
- Respect for the inherent worth and dignity of every person
- Justice, equity and compassion in human relations
- Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations
- A free and responsible search for truth and meaning
- The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large
- The goal of world community, with peace, liberty and justice for all
- Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
That sums up UU-ism perfectly, so I won’t elaborate further. Sufficed to say, I find it a perfect fit with my Pagan practice. There, I hope I have defined myself to everyone’s satisfaction…at least so you know where I stand, even if you don’t care much for it.
Which brings me to the reason I started this post. I have to wonder what has gotten into some of the more Evangelical people that I love recently, to be so angry and hate-filled in their actions towards me. I seem to recall a Jesus who, when confronted with someone who didn’t meet his standards of conduct (prostitutes, tax collectors) or belief (the parable of the Samaritan…not quite a “confrontation” but you get the idea) embraced them, opened his table to them, and sat down for conversation. The only people Jesus ever condemned were the ones within his own religious and spiritual community. The devout who traded in the Temple, the righteous so eager to cast stones. Why in the world, if you truly seek to live by his example and follow the teachings of Christ, would you react with such hostility to someone whom you ostensibly love, who happens to have a different world view from your own? How in any way is that following the teachings or the example of Jesus? Those who love me, who watched me grow up and now watch me move in and interact with the world, know my character and my heart. They are fully aware that I am not a bad person, and certainly nowhere near approaching evil. Maybe “unsaved” in their book, but hey…how are you possibly going to save someone’s soul by insulting them and their family and then threatening never to speak to them again? Jesus would slap the spit out of someone who acted that way and said they were doing it for him!
To truly follow Christ is to model acceptance, love and patience. To toss someone out of your heart like so much trash, simply because you consider them to be a heretic or sinner, is to be exactly like the Pharisee’s he condemned. It is certainly not an act of the kind that Jesus lived every day. Wholesale condemnation was never the path of Jesus. When others turned their heads, he invited people to him. When others threw stones, he extended his hand in protection and mercy. When others crucified him, he offered only forgiveness. The ONLY condemnation he ever showed was to the self-righteous, holier-than-thou, “religious” people of his time. It’s a sad, sad, day when the Pagan girl down the street is living a better “Christian” life than those who claim to know him best. And yet, if you know a tree by the fruit it bears….just look at your own conduct in relation to mine. I wonder who Jesus is more likely to invite to dinner.

Addressing the Backlash

It should be quite obvious by now that not only am I a military wife, I’m also an active part of the call to end the war in Iraq. I’d like to use this column to address what some perceive as a contradiction. Recently, my husband was featured in the press….a LOT of press. His comments, delivered as a member of Iraq Veterans Against the War, were passionately pro-military. He is not a pacifist. He is a member of the military committed to serving his country in times of danger. If asked, he would deploy to Afghanistan in a heartbeat. And, when asked, he has twice gone to Iraq. The first time, he was stationed on what at the time was the most attacked base in Iraq. He might have been working on aircraft, but he was far from safety. In fact, the barracks next to his were destroyed by a surface-to-ground missile one day. So yes, danger came close even to those who are “safe” behind base walls. He survived aerial attacks and falling shrapnel, even though he was in an open field at the time, with no real cover to speak of. On his second tour, he volunteered for duty in the base field hospital, where he off-loaded wounded, dying and dead soldiers and civilians. He has seen death close-up. He has held the hands of the dying. He has cared for Iraqi children with devastating injuries. He did this without complaint.
Because what many people don’t understand is that speaking out against an illegal and unnecessary was is NOT a complaint about military service. It is a cry for reconciliation and logic in a time when both seem to have fled the area. I have begged my husband to find a civilian job. But he says no….because the military is what he is. Does that mean that he has an obligation then, to obey orders blindly, or to stand by while his fellow service personnel are massacred daily on the altar of a failed foreign policy. In the words of another veteran- “the only conduct unbecoming of a non-commissioned officer, is to see the lives of the men around you being thrown away to and to say nothing.” We do not criticize the military….but rather, the politicians who use the military as a tool to settle personal vendettas or else increase political capital. The American soldier, who like my husband, is willing and ready to lay down his life when called upon to do so; deserves more respect for that sacrifice. Those who say they “support the troops” and then condemn the very voices of those who have been to the battlefront and know of what they speak are not patriots, but rather hypocrites and traitors. Honestly, if you have not served, then your opinion means very little. If you support the war- put on a uniform and stand up or shut up.
Is it wrong for an American service person to criticize military policy? The military itself says no. Department of Defense Directive 1325.6 in fact states that it is the policy of the military “to preserve military members' "right of expression… to the maximum extent possible, consistent with good order and discipline and the national security. Members of the military may attend demonstrations but only in the United States and only when they are off base, off duty, and out of uniform.” Our family is conscientious about adhering to these standards, as well as those we have set for ourselves, including refusing to participate in events organized by those with an anti-military message (such as the ANSWER Coalition) and framing the language of our speeches and comments in such a way as to make it clear that 1) we are proud to be a military family, 2) we support the American military service person and 3) part of that support means not wanting them to die in vain. Others don’t have to agree with our position, but unless they have experienced the reality of war, the hardship of military family life, and the devastation of losing someone in combat; they have no ground by which to condemn our actions. My family has first hand experience with all three of these, and I will not tolerate being told that I am disgraceful, disrespectful or unpatriotic for speaking out against the war in Iraq. Perhaps this column has been a bit of a “rant”, but it was something that needed to be said. I do not need everyone (or anyone) to agree with me, to know the truth of my experience. But unless you’ve shared a similar one, please, keep your opinions to yourself.